In the absence of shame, good taste and anything better to do, editor at large Andy Hamilton has been assembling a dictator-themed cocktail list. The first entry is deliciously topical, as Andy appreciates Kim Jong-un, the fashionable and forthright young leader of North Korea, through the medium of cocktail. Makeable/drinkable recipe included.
At the time of writing, the official website for one of the last true opponents of capitalism, North Korea, offers a variety of goods in its shop, including various films to download, badges, music and hand-painted posters—my favourite of which is a poster depicting a giant hand crushing American troops and costing a mere 250 euros, or the equivalent to almost two months’ wages for a typical North Korean.
The current hereditary supreme leader of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea—a country that is built on the principles of Marxism/Leninism and exalts the virtues of spartan austerity, sacrifice and discipline—is comrade Kim Jong-un. A man who has an estimated personal fortune of $5 billion, a mere third of the total GDP for the country’s 24 million comrades.
In neighbouring China, Kim is known as Kim Fatty the Third, whilst in his own country millions have died due to a massive ongoing famine.
In short, Fatty is not a Good Egg. But is he a good drink?
Fatty Bastard Kimchi Bloody Mary
Kim Jong-un should have no trouble finding the fine ingredients for this cocktail, as he imports millions of dollars of food from around the world, including the finest quality pork from Denmark and liquor from just about everywhere that brews, ferments and distils.
Kim Fatty suffers greatly from hangovers; he’s even tried to develop a beer that doesn’t give you one. The Fatty Bastard Kimchi Bloody Mary contains vitamin B12 from bacon fat that will keep his—and your—nervous system running smoothly, antioxidant lycopene and other good things from tomatoes, and a healthy amount of hair-of-the-dog alcohol: it really is a drink that can help ease even the most supreme hangover.
Remember: it’s important to keep Fatty in good trim; imagine what he might do when crapulous and miserable.
For the Bacon Fat Bastard Vodka
- 1 teaspoon gochugaru (Korean hot pepper flakes/or any chilli flakes)
- Half a seoyang gochu naeng-i root (a type of horseradish) chopped into chunks (or ordinary horseradish root will do)
- 500ml Soju
- 1 big pack of streaky bacon/lardons
Step One. Making the Bastard Soju
Wash and thinly slice the chillies. Cut the horseradish into chip-sized chunks and put them into a jar with the chillies. Top up with soju and leave for at least two days, or up to ten if you have the patience. Then decant into a bottle.
Step Two. Adding the bacon fat, aka fat washing
Cut the bacon into bite-sized chunks and pour into a large jug or pitcher. Add the Bastard Soju and place in the freezer for 30 minutes. The fat will solidify on top. Remove this and dispose of it. Filter the soju through a very fine coffee filter, microfine bag or muslin cloth into a bottle and refrigerate until needed.
For the Bloody Mary
- 60 ml Bastard Soju
- 1/4 cup of blended kimchi
- Juice of half a lemon
- 6-8 dashes of Worcestershire sauce
- 3 dashes of Tabasco sauce (optional, as it will be pretty hot already)
- 150ml tomato juice
Fill a glass with ice. Pour in the Bastard Soju with the lemon juice and add all the other ingredients bar the salt and pepper. Add more seasoning to taste. Some enjoy a dash of celery bitters. Garnish with a big fat stick of celery.
Be careful, as this cocktail, although a great hangover cure, can encourage movements of the bowel. However, according to sources close to the family, Kim Jong-un is a perfect being, just like his father, and therefore doesn’t need to use the toilet as we common people do. I guess that makes him full of shit.
Andy Hamilton (Bristol, August 2017)
Andy had his first alcoholic drink at eight and has never looked back. He now works as a freelance drunkard and does many booze related things to earn a crust. These include taking people out into the woods and teaching them how to make booze from wild plants, writing about booze in his books, the bestselling Booze for Free, the in-depth treatise on beer, Brewing Britain, and more recently the book he is working on, Wild Booze and Hedgerow Cocktails. He often writes for the Telegraph and occasionally for the Guardian. He’s also been know to help various establishments design their own signature drinks. Andy is known as one of the politest people in the drinks industry, he never swears and is always convivial and never an incompressible drunk. Honest. And he really is the editor at large for Alderman Lushington.